Presenting a ground breaking and "terrifically exciting" 11,000 word article, published on November 3, 2012 in a Sexuology yearbook - on the internationally controversial topic of Massage & Sexuality. "Integral and Transpersonal Sexology; Human sexuality and Intimate Relationships from an Integral, Transpersonal and Somatic Sexological Perspective" Edited by Dr Tara Long.




Massage & Sexuality.

Ideal and Practice, from Sport massage to Sexually-tinted Tantric massage

An Exploration of Taboos in the Border areas of Massage

This is Chapter 5: Erotic Massage

Author: Drs. Kees Kaldenbach. Amsterdam.


On this page you will find the text and links to the full text HTML page divided into 2+6 chapters, without visible footnotes,

Plus a downloadable PDF file of the entire article, complete, with footnotes: Kaldenbach-massage-sexuality.pdf

Table of contents

0a) Abstract and Introduction chapter

0b) Definitions of the following six kinds of massage

1) Sport massage / Swedish massage

2) Medical Massage / Physiotherapy

3) Chinese / Japanese rub massage and pressure point massage

4) Holistic Massage

5) Erotic Massage - and finally

6) Tantric massage ; thesis; conclusions.

For each field I present these sections: Brief descriptions, Best practices, Perceptions, Schematic map.


This is Chapter 5): Erotic massage


5b Best Practices in the massage, the masseur's point of view (w / v) the erotic massage

Acting in the interest of the client, that value comes first. The erotic massage is given in the interest of the woman or man who is receiver, who orders and who pays. The masseur is working in this style will be very involved and yield his or her own personality: the nature of the meeting, the color and flavor and energy of his or her own life style, sexual orientation and sexuality. One shows what one is inside. Erotic massage with detachment on the part of the masseur / masseuse is a contradiction and would probably be self-destructive.

Especially since Eros and sexuality such a big, defining role in life, the erotic / tantric massage becomes a difficult terrain.
Compared to the life of a prostitute, the erotic / tantric masseur (m / f) shall offer less of one's physical body for the benefit of the client.

To bring sexuality into the session and to take it from the session: In peer groups of Eros masseurs (m / f) it is emphasized that an erotic masseur and masseuse needs a primary relationship (or a number of primary relationships) in which ample erotic goodness is achieved. So in the profession, the focus might become yielding, being able to give, donate. The intent of erotic massage becomes a free waterfall of physical pleasure, seeking a sense of physical, erotic glory. As mentioned above, the touch of the genitals, arousal and orgasm are optional. In the opening sentence it read:
"... one of the biggest non-sexual pleasures that a human body can experience is massage." and here these two worlds fuse together seamlessly. Erotic massage combines these two worlds and become void - it ends the taboo area of tension.

During the hippie era one massage therapist in California, USA dared to plunge into the deep end of erotic massage. Kenneth Ray Stubbs states "I became an outlaw in the field of massage.

During a meeting with a peer group of erotic masseurs and masseuses (2010) a question was tabled by masseur P whether a masseur or masseuse may enjoy giving erotic / tantric massage. This question elicited great concern and strong emotions in the group. In the end the best practice and the golden rule for erotic masseurs was voiced: act in the interest of the client.
That does not prevent an erotic masseur (m / f) also can enjoy of the session, like a great cake chef can enjoy making great pies. There remains one significant difference: the erotic masseur works with the body proper, ie. his or her own. He or she can use hands but may also use the full body and touch with the chest area, torso, mouth, cheeks, ears, teeth and use other creative variations. This implies: he or she always brings his or her ego along.

Hygiene. When it genital or anal area is touched, there is a sliding scale of precaution and hygiene. Some masseurs do nothing about precaution. Others sometimes wear latex gloves, use a condom or a dental dam, and further use antiseptic germicidal gel where needed.

Case, told by masseur N: Sometimes an erotic masseuse hired by a couple (male + female) for a session in a hotel room, where the erotic masseur acts as third partner. During the preliminary the safety limits are agreed. At one extreme is an instruction situation in which the active partner is taught massage movements, given on the body of the partner laying down.
The other extreme is a free party with three people, a more libertarian path with creative play and touch. In this trio, the masseur (m / f) can agree whether or not to participate in penetration.

Earlier on erotic massage has known its heyday: In the pre-Christian Middle-East one may finds links between the fields of religion and the field of Eros in temple prostitution.

In erotic massage the term "energy" is again of great importance: see under Holistic massage.

5c From standpoint of the client in the erotic massage

Ideal: he knows what he wants and she knows what she wants. The client who orders has really thought it out, has plucked up courage and stepped over a social and psychological hurdle. Imagine, paying someone for sexual touch!
The phases of ordering and performing usually take place without difficulty and conflict. In practice, the male client in many cases, is clear and focused (yang) and indicates which direction the Eros should go, while the female client is (yin) and more frequently expresses less clearly defined wishes, might want to be surprised, and pampered and transported by the expert Eros-masseur.

Case: a black woman, highly educated, heterosexual, went to masseur Y in 2010 in order to investigate her boundaries. To feel where her experience would take her: "... initially I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and explore my sexuality / experiment." After the massage, she wrote that it was a good meeting and after several months later she came back for a repeat by this masseur.

5. Erotic Massage

Erotic massage is a way for the client to gain new, exciting, sensual and/or sexual experiences by ordering them. This type of massage takes place by appointment by a selected specialist masseur/masseuse who is sexually gifted and who likes to do this work. This type of massage gives the customer the luxury of choice and order a la carte: without fear, the client can precisely state their own wishes, desires and boundaries when having the introductory discussion. The client can also choose to be open to a new unknown experience, to go beyond known boundaries and indicate at the moment what is okay and what is not during the process.
Erotic massage can be an encounter in the depths of feeling. Contrary to what outsiders might be thinking, an erotic massage is not primarily focused on touching the genitals, or sexual excitement and orgasm. Genital touching can or can not be on the program, and hence rules are set and demarcated in mutual agreement, in tune with the nature, needs, experience, knowledge and boundaries of both parties. Experts will agree that experience of erotic pleasure is not situated between the client’s legs, but rather between the ears, with hope, desire and play. A good click or "energy" between client and Eros masseur or masseuse is obviously necessary, because it is give and take, and a meeting in a very intimate nature.
For the record, sex and oral sex are held by many erotic masseurs in the Netherlands to be outside the range of erotic massage. Everything is however dependent on the nature of the arrangements between the client and masseur (m / f).

Erotic massage is ranked here as follows the author:

Fig. 5. Erotic Massage.
X axis: very low for social acceptance
Y axis: very low for "garage job"
Z axis: low, medium to high points for transcendence (flight of the soul).


Further Descriptions


Sexuality - in the context of this article - is the magical and wonderful borderline between the physicality of I and the Other. Broadly speaking, it is understood as the totality of feelings, opinions and experiences related to sexual orientation and self-definition, the individuality and physicality of the man or the woman.
Both in body and mind, sexuality causes an increased and enhanced perception of reality, sometimes a rush and at best, a peak experience in human life.
The positive, pink cloud of terms related to sexuality include: body, skin, pleasure, ecstasy, identity, and beyond – let’s take a broad look – desire, contact, connection, emotions, dreams, desires, sexual drive, conquest of the other, to allow to be conquested, the game of attraction and retreat, excitement, and also to achieve a physical orgasm. Central to Western culture is always freedom of choice and free will at some point in time to enter upon or cease the sexual contact.
By way of contrast: another set of shaded clouds shows the more complicated and thorny fields as in: daring, taboo, monogamy, adultery, jealousy, vulnerability, old pain and new pain, becoming wounded in body and soul. For in sex you become open and therefore vulnerable.
"Sexual" is a term used by us in the West at basic level refers to reproductive drive and gender and perception of one’s own genitals, either male or female, while the term "Eros" indicates the meta-level, the divine and dangerous, bewitching, the maddening insufflation by the mysterious Greek god Eros in women and men.


Intimacy is understood here as any kind of very personal encounter in proximity and in seclusion, with full consent of both parties. Intimacy could include sharing of valuable experiences and highly personal secrets. Caveat: If a woman mentions in a conversation: "I was intimate with my boyfriend last night", then she might mean something else.

The feel-good hormones released in massage include oxytocin (also known as the cuddle hormone and the hormone that enhances bonding between mother and baby), and also other active elements with nice effects such as endorphins, peptides.



35., seen 8 november 2010, spelling adapted.

36. Stubbs quote in de DVD “Path of the Sexual Shaman, Teachings on Energy, Orgasm and Wisdom”, 2009. See Internet for many other titles of books and DVDs.

37. Interview by author, 2010.

38. Interview by author, 2010.


Table of contents

0a) Abstract and Introduction chapter

0b) Definitions of the following six kinds of massage

1) Sport massage / Swedish massage

2) Medical Massage / Physiotherapy

3) Chinese / Japanese rub massage and pressure point massage

4) Holistic Massage

5) Erotic Massage - and finally

6) Tantric massage ; thesis; conclusions.

For each field I present these sections: Brief descriptions, Best practices, Perceptions, Schematic map.



Published 2012 in:

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This is in English. Click for an Dutch version, Version Française.


Photos: Jeroen Leclercq,




Reaction, questions?

Center for Applied Massage Art - Kees Kaldenbach, Haarlemmermeerstraat 83 hs, 1058 JS Amsterdam (near Surinameplein, ring road exit s106, tram 1 and 17). Telephone 020 669 8119; cell phone 06 - 2868 9775. Open seven days a week.

Masseur Kees Kaldenbach is collaborating with a number of masseurs and masseuses in Amsterdam. He is also active as a masseur in the finest and most luxurious hotels.

I give this massage at various addresses: at my home address (see above), or atyour own home or at your hotel.

Lichaam & Ziel [Body & Soul] is registered at the Amsterdam Chamber of Commerce, number  3419 6612.



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Psychological Bulletin, January 2004 highlights


Psychologists at Illinois University have researched effectiveness of massage therapy. A series of visits to the masseur may reduce depression, anxiety and pain. Even single visits may help alleviating anxiety and pain and may reduce hypertension and a high heart rate.

Psychological Bulletin, January 2004